Sick
by shattered22
Summary: Just a one-shot of what was going through her mind during all this. Summary inside. REVIEW PLEASE! Rated T for SLIGHT mentions of suicide. No comfort, just hurt.


HELLO! I'm just doing a one shot of this, love the book! I might-probably- do one where they go visit the Outsiders and listen to the tapes! On with the story!

What was going through Hannah Baker's mind during all of this? What were her thoughts on how she felt? My take on it.

* * *

Why? Why did this happen? Why?

No.

There's no answer.

There's no point.

Everything. Everything I've tried.

Backfired. Throw back into my face. Shattering me to pieces.

All of them, the connections, _they_ did this to me. Because they didn't know.

The list.

The snowball.

The lies.

The victim at the party.

The names.

The rumors.

But I don't care. Not anymore.

All the things that have hurt me, don't anymore. You wanna know why? Because I'm sick, and tired, of-of _EVERYTHING._ And this feeling, the only feeling I have left inside me, no, that's a lie. I have two feelings, numb, and sick.

The numb feeling, it comes and goes. Nothing, I cannot hear, I cannot see, I cannot think. All I have is the cold, bitter darkness that surrounds me. Nothing more. Everything I live for, everything I need, all that I want! But there is no feeling of regret, of pain, of suffering, nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

And the sickness, dear God the SICKNESS!

Sick. Sick, sick, sick. My very being, sick. Just sick. I cannot even find words to tell you how _sick_ I am. My soul, heart, body, mind. My very essence, _sick_. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it I hate it. No matter how many times I say it you don't feel it. SICK. S-I-C-K. SICK. Just sick sick sick. I cannot describe it. Gut wrenching, heart pounding, sick. That voice in my head, over and over, like a chant " _Just kill yourself. Just kill yourself. Do us all a favor and kill yourself."_ I'm sick, sick sick sick. I want it out, get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out. Just help me, just help me, _please_ GET IT OUT! I don't want her here. I want her gone. But I am gone. My sanity is fading. Talking to the voices in my head I've had for a while. Mama. Melanie. Why won't they just go away? Why are they here? Please, _please_ , help me. Save me. I'm drowning. down down down. Deeper, deeper. Mocking me, mocking me, calling me things. Why? Why? Why am I this? Why am I different? Why am I gone? Why am I losing all sanity I have left? Crazy, crazy crazy crazy. Bet you think I'm crazy. Bet you think I've lost my marbles. Go ahead, say it, say what you're thinking. Give me one bit of dignity and say it. Take a break, put this down, and talk. Tell me what you think. Tell me what you feel. And tell me what it is, that makes my crazy.

Waiting.

(J.K.Y)

Waiting.

(J.K.Y)

Waiting.

(J.K.Y)

Are you done? Did you wait? Did you talk? I bet you didn't. I bet you skipped that part. I bet you couldn't wait to keep reading? Or maybe you didn't. Maybe you got fed up with me, and decided to stop reading. To stop listening. I can't blame you. I cannot say that I'm not surprised. Did you know, did you know we all are guilty, yes, we are. We lie, we steal, we cheat. Nothing changes. No one smiles. All we have left, in the end, are memories of what was, and thoughts of what could have been. Of what IS. What are we? What are we doing? What can we do? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I keep saying it, but you don't feel it. You don't see it. I don't know. I don't know. Sick. Sick. SICK. S-I-C-K. Sick sick sick sick. All of this is sick. All of me is sick. Words, thoughts, feelings, everything. All of me is sick. I just never saw it. You just never saw it. But one day, you will. You all will. And someday. I will be laughing. Because, I am, we are, it was, is, and will always be _this_ , simple. Sick. Sick. _Sick._

P.S.-Guess what J.K.Y means, go ahead, guess. I'll wait. I think those word a lot. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Did you talk? Did you try to find out what it means? Humor me, go ahead. Well guess what, you may be surprised. J.K.Y

J.-Just

K.-Kill

Y.-Yourself

And it makes me _sick_.

* * *

just my thoughts, don't own 13 reasons, never will, and I hope you enjoyed the VERY short. Peace out Bros!~Shattered22


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